Scars – Missy Higgins

03-01-08

So, I haven’t blogged a lot lately…not at all actually. I have been unconsciously avoiding it… too much stuff in my head. I received a message from Milan..Theo must be still on vacations..Jessup is doing good, but im almost certain Unibe is gonna be a tough cookie, not because they are good [I believe we are better] but because of their coaches….on the other hand, my team an I are getting along very well... We are working a lot… I’m working a lot at PH too…trying to “raise the corporate ladder”…its exhausting I know, and some people are starting to realize im different…some say im more passive..”serena”…I call it tiredness…stress...exhaustion and a bit of hopelessness….
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I haven’t talked to many of my friends lately… Noe and Yruma are officially a couple, they got together on new year’s eve [very classical actually]..Johnny and I are spending a lot of time together lately…the excuse is to watch anime, but I know [or at least its my part of the truth] that is just that we miss each other’s company…the unjudgmental company of a true friend…. Lilly has been working a lot, and I unconsciously, try to live without her just so I don’t feel it so much when she leaves…im going to miss her sooo much…she was there everytime I got fed up of people…and I know that used to be indiana’s place..but lately, for one reason or the other, she has becomed one of “those people”, so lilly was the perfect outlet for all my frustrations…. I have many mixed emotions about it…so many things I’d like to say… I feel like Jenny or Dana….

I talked to Indiana today…we had an argument [ Tony’s surgery was today and she intended to tell me so today but I though she was just mad because nobody told her he was getting a surgery…turns out I didn’t know the surgery was today, so she called me to ask me why hadn’t I called him, to which I answer that I didn’t know…and so on]. We both agreed that our relationship has turned sour...that for some reason we only argued with each other..that we don’t just talk or see each other …I putted it out there: I miss my best friend..i feel like a stranded boat in the middle of the pacific without her..she is my anchore and ligh…but apparenty I managed to fed her up and she is tired of me..next thing I know Noe will become her best friend and I will work 12 hours a day just to fill up all my free time…how promising :s

I miss school {shh…don’t tell anybody ;)] just because it gave me an excuse to see my friends so often, and it made it so easy just to be with them…no subject or agenda for the meetings…just chilling with my peeps…

I refuse to live in the past, for im embracing the awesome things that the future [ this new year] is bringing me. Im going to be someone better, improved from the inside out…im shredding my old life like skin…. I’m Aiming Higher, Trying Harder ….

Today I stared at my fingernails...its been a while since I didn’t do it..it means a storm is coming from the inside out, changes are happening…it means maybe this time it wont be resolutions: they will become results….