The weakness in me – Melissa Etheridge

19 de enero, 2008. 1.25 am


It’s been a while since I wrote something…and is not because I didn’t have anything to say...i just had too much, and could let it all out without overflowing myself. This past week was very hectic (that’s kinda common these days I my life) I got to work late on Monday, I got my car crashed (a very nice way to start a Tuesday), I spent the whole Wednesday and thurday at the DGII (that’s the equivalent to the IRS…just as dreadful) and Friday on RTDN….ahm and Saturday (aka today) I had to work ‘til four,,,just to take home a batch of work that could only be compared to be writing the Respondent memorial all by myself… indeed, lovely.

To top this off, I have to deal with Indiana reminding me of all the great things that could or would’ve been happening in my life but aren’t… and I know she does it with the best of intentions, but to me is only nagging and a reminder of all the things I don’t have..not really what I need right now. I went to see a movie at Tony’s tonight. We saw the simpsons and an independent Spanish film called ”mouth to mouth” with Javier Bardem,,it was very funny, I got home to find that [oh, surprise] I was locked out again….this game is getting old,,,really old, really fast. Im so tired of these whole, im not a girl not yet a woman post-britney drama my parents are trying to push upon me …seriously, im not 12, dyslexic dumbassses, im 21…get used to the fact that I have a life of my own.

I didn’t even wanted to see my friends tonight…and that concerns me a lot. I didn’t wanted a whole new argument with my parents, as eventually happened tonight when I found the door locked from within with a pestillo… what the fuck was that all about??!! And second, and most importantly, I just didn’t fell like I wanted the company of my friends as a whole..i wanted [and still do] to talk to them separately, or maybe some talking among ourselves,,,but watching a movie was so, denialist [if that’s even a word]. I haven’t seem them in so long, I haven’t talked to most of them, almost all know that im not doing so well, but we’ll sit down, stare at a shiny screen and just let time go by…..at least it wasn’t Fantastic Four.

I really need to know if this is just a blue moon or if its serious business. But its just that right now I don’t really appreciate the whole, couple ‘n friends bonding time…Dd, Violeta and I were the only single ones and it was kinda uncomfortable at times [at least for me] since I would look around and all I’ll see is cuddling, and no my friend, there;s none of that coming my way anytime soon. And if Dd reads this, she would say “I don’t have a boyfriend either and you don’t see me complaining”” O sea, seriously??!!... Yes D, you might not be complaining, but I have the right to feel the dammed way I want or just plainly and irrationally do, and that’s the deal: couples are not good company right now…people nagging me is not good company … no member of my family is good company….im not good company for myself….