Blast from the past

03-05-08

Time for a little catching up…

I finally got promoted on my job. Now im making a decent amount of money even though my workload has multiplied by ten. I still have to see how its going to be once Petra is back, which will be on Tuesday. I’ve worked my ass of these past weeks. It was hectic, seriously. I had to work a couple of days until 11pm, and almost everyday until 7.30. Antonio was fired on Friday. I could say I was sad, but what’s the point of lying to myself? I really wasn’t. He is a rich boy, he doesn’t have a family to provide to, and he didn’t want the job either. We, and specially I, told him how he should have putted a little more of him into the work, to stay a little later, to arrive a little earlier, how he couldn’t take 2 hours for lunch. But he didn’t listen, and I ain’t nobody’s nanny. He got what he worked for…

Today I got together with Tony, Dd Joe and Yruma at Joe’s. We did Spaghettis and Beef. Tony is an excellent chef. We had a really good time, even if I had to leave early due to my parents paranoia. Like seriously??!!! I thought we were over this shit already. I even smashed my cell phone against a wall. Smart, very smart…now im stuck with my old cell…Heroito..not that I care a lot anyway. I actually like it a lot.

My parents and I reached an agreement regarding the car. Im getting my dad’s car (a 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer) as an exchange of my old car ( a 2000 Ford Festiva). All I have to do is pay the remaining of the car loan, which is like 250k. Not cheap, but I think I can figure out a way of paying for it with my new Abogado Trainee paycheck. Everyone said that it was a set up so I wouldn’t be able to move out. And I know they are right, but right now I think is the best thing to do. I can’t go anywhere without a car, and I think I can pay that off in less than 2 years. Besides, im also planning on leaving for Europe (for good) with a scholarship, hopefully before September 2009. If by august 2009 I don’t have any confirmation for scholarship, then I would just take the master’s on APEC with Pantheon Assas (the 8 thousand dollars one), talk to the people at P&H, have them pay half and just settle with that for the time. I know im not supposed to push things too hard, but im sure I’ll figure out a way of making it happen.

I received a message from Assif on FaceBook. It didn’t say much really. Just hope you are doing well, though of you today… nothing at all, yet it lighted up my face and had me smiling all day long like a crazy person. I haven’t answered JohnE’s email regarding the “I didn’t want you to get that phonecall” issue. Im still debating internally if its better to let it go or if I should write back…I’ll still have to consider it. Hector complemented me on Friday and I blushed. No big deal, yet is worth mentioning. I know its just my paranoia, and that it means anything. And I forbid myself from even thinking about it because I know the mayhem it can cause…yet, its worth mentioning.

Yruma hugged me today, and it felt like the old days. I know it might be my imagination playing tricks, or just a biological reaction to a primary need, specially once the fulfiller of said need is around. But we both knew that we couldn’t do that. It was just a moment, an electric shock that bonded us for the tenth of a second, but we both felt it and we both know that the other one felt it as well. No words needed…. Imagination will take care of the rest.

Im angry, tired and confused. I don’t really know where my north is anymore, but so far im just thankfull my boat is not sinking. I might join Jarolyn on a Youth Praying group on Thursdays. Im not quite sure yet, but I still have a couple of days to think it out.

I was reading my old blogs, and I felt like Melissa Etheridge did when she heard all her songs after battling with cancer….i’ve been so sad, and depressive and angry for so long, and in such a consistent way… I need to change my ways soon or I might not be able to live happily…. I wont know how. I must start over, yet I still look for a catalyst. something or someone that pushes me off the cliff and forces me to sink or swim, to fly or die….Europe, please, arrive…I need to move on forward, leaving all these baggage behind.