You better kill me before I kill you

Bad days stick around like a bad Britney song...ok, like all of britney’s songs, but good days….good days are rare and precious, and demand to be enjoyed on every second while they last. This past week has been good, very good. I don’t know if it is the crystal I’m seeing life through, if things are just better or if it’s the fact that death is so close by that makes me appreciate life more.

My uncle is dying, or at least scared the shit out of us by being so sick, but now he’s better. He’s not ok, but at least he’s closer to this side…and I am grateful for that. More than what many people, or even myself would believe. Death brings out the worst in me... I can’t deal with death, I just can’t. And having to get used to the fact that someone so close could die was a process, just like that breakup back in 2001, it made me stronger, wiser…it made me grow up a bit more. I now understand that life can’t be measured. That my standards won’t work with everyone else. That the only requirement to die is to be alive, breathing. And now I understand that the best way to be ready is to go to sleep everyday in peace with yourself and with the world around you. Nobody is ready, but at least you know you can get through. I won’t write sad things about it. There were many, but im focusing on the good ones now, my new crystal to see life through: I’ve renewed my faith, not that I ever stopped believing, but is good to know that God hears you. Our family is closer, which is good, and it was a tough reality check: there’s more to life than grades and degrees, and honors and job titles, and credit cards debts and boyfriends…there’s more to life than all that. It’s all about the small things.

[My uncle died the day after I wrote this post at 5 am from a heart failure while he was sleeping †]