Will you take what’s left of me?

Oct. 31

Its been a long time now since the last time I typed in here, this word document hidden on My documents under a very boring name so nobody will open it, just so later on I can post it on the web and shout at loud all the things I keep from the people around me…how ironic

My uncle died almost two weeks ago…it still sucks. I wanted to write in that moment, but I didn’t, there was never a chance and now I look back and regret it… my soul will never again be as bare and pure as it was on those days. I can still feel as if it was yesterday the pain that numbs me and makes me feel like someone punched me in the stomach… I can still remember his face on the coffin, the way his hands were still warm and flexible, the way I touched his hair…. Its hard to accept, to totally comprehend that he is dead (such a big and complex word), that I will never hear his jokes on Christmas, or hear my grandma fight at him for not taking his medication. It is even worst when I remember the bad times, the days we thought he would die in our arms. I know he is in heaven, I know he died happy, in his sleep and having felt the love and affection of everyone that knew him. He is dead now, he got the prize ahead….but there were still so many things to say.

The worst part is I feel like I took him for granted, that I just assumed that he would live forever and that I didn’t need to embrace every second he shared with us. I know God didn’t take him away, he was given to us for 37 whole years, and for that I’m thankful…. I’ve learned so much from your life, and from your death, that words could not express it. It has put my life in perspective in many aspects…in all aspects, but it still seems like a high price to pay. I miss you, and I will keep on missing you. I managed through the funeral and the services, but I know that it’s the little things that will be the hardest….i now officially hate Christmas if you are not here.


Oh Death, Where is thy Sting?
Oh, Grave, Where is thy victory?
For the loved ones never die,
‘cause love is immortality.